Potions and Other Hazards
by CheshireCat23
Summary: A Potions accident leaves Hermione and a group of fellow students with undesired side effects. GENDER-SWAP story! Hermione gets caught up in a weird "love triangle"; Ron enjoys the perks of womanhood; Harry is being, well, Harry; Astoria develops a strange fascination for someone unexpected and Draco perpetually acts like a drama queen.
1. Chapter 1

**Potions and Other Hazards**

* * *

**Disclaimer**: J.K. Rowling is the author of the Harry Potter series. All canon characters and canon situations belong to her. No copyright or trademark infringement is intended. No money is made from this story.

**Summary**: A Potions accident leaves Hermione and a group of fellow students with undesired side effects. **_Gender-swap story!_**

Hermione gets caught up in a weird "love triangle"; Ron enjoys the perks of womanhood; Harry is being, well, Harry; Astoria develops a strange fascination for someone unexpected and Draco perpetually acts like a drama queen.

**Warnings: **Occ-ness (hopefully within bounds) and disregard of books 5 to 7. AU.

* * *

Chapter 1: So Here's What Happened…

* * *

Hermione glanced down at her wrist watch and swore under her breath. The time was ticking by so impossibly _slow_. She couldn't believe that only fifty minutes had passed and that there were still thirty to go. This was even worse than History of Magic! Not to mention, it was getting them absolutely nowhere!

Thirty whole minutes until she was finally free to leave… until then, she would have to sit here and suffer through the irritating company of her classmates. Oh, how she hated people sometimes.

At one point Hermione got so frustrated that she started tapping the glass of her watch to check the watch's functionality, earning many raised brows from the people in the room. Much to her chagrin, the watch worked just fine.

"Everyone please calm down! I understand that this is a very upsetting and confusing situation for you, but we need to act mature about this. Violence is not the answer!" their _group therapist, _Mister Harris, repeated for the nth time in the last fifteen minutes. He too, seemed to grow irritated with them and wore a glare on his face. Not that Hermione blamed him. Had she been in his shoes, she probably would just have bluntly told her classmates to shut the fuck up already and to plant their arses back to their seats. However, being the professional that he was, therapist Harris had other methods that got them to cooperate. Hermione liked his professionalism.

"Thank you. Now let's approach this civilly," therapist Harris suggested (although everyone knew that it was more of an order than a suggestion), clapping his hands together once as his face brightened and his wide smile appeared again. He went back informing them about what he and the professors had discussed. Every now and then he would ask for some opinions, which were mostly given grudgingly, as most of them were too busy sending death glares Ron's way.

Although they were repeatedly told that punishing and beating Ron to a bloody pulp wasn't the solution to their common problem, most of them didn't look too convinced. It was more than apparent that they were plotting for revenge.

Even Hermione had to admit that one of her very first thoughts had been to pounce on Ron and make him pay after realising what had happened. However, after a "good night" of sleep (and a phial of strong Calming Draught), the world seemed a little less sucky than it had two days ago and Hermione managed to think more clearly and keep her temper in check.

Whilst there was no doubt that their shared predicament was entirely Ron's fault, Hermione agreed that they needed to give poor Ron a break. It wasn't as if he was very happy about the situation himself either, seeing as he as equally affected. Thankfully the girls – or should Hermione call them _boys_ – seemed more willing to forgive Ron.

Hermione ran both hands tiredly through her hair - or what was left of her hair. Instead of shoulder-length locks, she was now sporting a short two-inch haircut that left no evidence whatsoever of her puffy curls. She never thought she would miss something as trivial as her unruly hair, but she did. However, as part of adjusting to her new situation, the hair had to come off.

Man, how exactly did they all end up in this mess again?

* * *

_It had been one of those typical Fridays where everyone couldn't wait for the weekend to finally begin. Hermione and her classmates had been down the dungeons for double Potions, desperately trying to stay focused after Professor Slughorn discreetly hinted that the potion they were concocting that day was to be part of their N.E.W.T. examination in June._

_Hermione had, for once, been able to get Harry as her partner whereas Ron had been left to be paired off with Millicent Bulstrode in the front row. This, of course, hadn't sat well with Ron. He felt absolutely miffed about his lot and wasted no time in letting Harry and Hermione know (who both, much to his chagrin, gracefully ignored his complaint). It didn't help the situation or Ron's mood that Millicent then decided to continually criticise and order him around. _

_So when his partner left the table to retrieve some additional Moonseed from the storage room, Ron, being the hot-headed person that he was, saw it fit to make a rude hand gesture at Millicent's retreating back._

_This turned out to be one of Ron's not so wise ideas and it didn't take long for said person to come to this same realisation. It was already too late and there was nothing Ron could do to stop disaster from happening. All he could do was watch how the jars of bat spleens, Ashwinder eggs and stewed Mandrake from the potions kit in his hands toppled into the bubbling cauldron with a loud splash, followed up by an even louder bang when said cauldron exploded._

_The explosion covered any students in the immediate vicinity from head to toe in sticky, smelly goo. Amongst those unfortunate people was Hermione (whereas Harry had been lucky enough to be spared since fate had decided that his foot had to itch that exact moment, having him bend down under the desk down to scratch it)._

_Naturally, everyone that had come in contact with Ron's concoction was immediately sent to the Hospital Wing for a check-up, but since no injuries or danger from the potion could be detected, the students were released soon after they arrived by Madam Pomfrey. However, as it turned out twenty-four hours later, the optimistic diagnosis was proven wrong. Quite apparently Ron's potion just needed some time to kick in and show its effects._

_The concoction of Befuddlement Draught and the three additional ingredients resulted in a new and very "interesting" potion of its own indeed. _

_Unsettling screams echoed throughout the halls of Hogwarts the following morning, when the seven victims of the explosion woke up and glanced into the mirror. Instead of finding their normal selves staring back at them, they found a Mister Granger, Mister Brocklehurst, Mister Turpin and a Miss Corner, Miss Malfoy, Miss Weasley and a Miss Hopkins staring back at them..._

* * *

"I already told you lot that I was sorry. What else to you want me to say? I didn't do this on purpose! Sometimes unfortunate things happen. _Shit happens_!" Ron's nervous voice squeaked from behind Mister Harris' back as he still stubbornly refused to part with his human shield. Hermione thought it was kind of hilarious to see Ron squirm like this although she also felt bad for him.

"_No, Weasley_! Shit like this doesn't happen! People don't just randomly gender swap! Guys don't suddenly turn into girls and girls don't become guys! _Look what you did to us_! I'm a bloody _girl_ now!" Michael Corner hollered at him, gesturing at his now very feminine self. The tall dark-haired Ravenclaw was sporting the look of a mousy girl. Hermione supposed that she would have considered him attractive, if it weren't for that crazy dangerous look on his face.

Not wanting his group to take ten steps back after finally making some progress, their therapist quickly held up a hand authoritatively and gave Michael a stern look to stop him from attacking Ron any further. He then turned to Ron and talked to him quietly. Hermione couldn't make out any words, but saw Ron nodding weakly and warily taking his seat.

"Listen, I understand this is a difficult situation for all of you, but we need to make this work and not fight each other. Your Potions professor and two very competent potioneers from the Ministry are already working on a cure to reverse this effect. I'm positive that a cure will be found and that you will have your normal bodies back. But until then you'll have to learn to accept and how to deal with this situation appropriately. I can help you cope if you let me."

Several students (Mandy, Wayne, Ron and Hermione) nodded at this, showing their willingness to cooperate, whereas some (Michael, Draco and Lisa) only turned to zero on Ron, who was squirming uncomfortably in his chair.

"I want us all to meet up regularly. I was thinking about setting up sessions every Monday and Friday at three. In these sessions we will discuss the problems that you may encounter and think of solutions together. And I know from experience that it can be hard to talk about personal matters and share your feelings with others, but you once you get over that initial fear, you will see that it can be very liberating to talk. I want to do this with the whole group for now; however, should you feel too uncomfortable, we'll split the group up - so that there will be a separate session for the boys and a separate one for the girls," the therapist explained. As he was about to continue, he was interrupted by a silky, but still annoying as ever, voice.

"And what if we don't to partake in this? What if I don't want to share my feelings with these dunderheads?"

"Of course, _he_ would protest", Hermione thought, rolling her eyes at the girl with the white-blonde hair.

"Mister…?"

"Malfoy, sir."

"Mister Malfoy, if you really don't feel like talking about yourself, then you won't have to. I'm not going to force anyone. But it'll still be mandatory for you to attend these meetings. The others may need the support and would surely appreciate your help," therapist Harris explained. „And please refrain from insulting your classmates; I will not tolerate it."

Draco nodded shortly and crossed his arms over his chest, unintentionally and unknowingly drawing attention to that particular area. Hermione almost died when she caught herself staring at Malfoy's bust for far too long. _What the!?_

In the meanwhile Draco mumbled something under his breath that made Michael snort and nod in agreement. Hermione was sure that their snotty attitudes would lay a great groundwork for friendship between these two. Two dipshits bonding with each other – it was practically a match made in heaven.

"I want you to be aware of the things that will change for you. Changes are inevitably. People that have known you before the incident, will most likely act differently towards you now. Even close friends. You must understand that they don't necessarily do that consciously or do it to be hurtful. This is something they will need to get used to, also."

"Yeah", Hermione thought grumpily. This was definitely something you needed to get used to. One would think she'd be able to have a normal school year for once, but she guessed that it just wasn't meant to be - _as always_.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2: Coping

* * *

Hermione sat in the library, working on next week's Astronomy assignment to distract herself. Surprisingly enough, she had no problems concentrating and her homework was progressing quite nicely with only the concluding paragraph left. When she dipped her quill into the inkwell, Hermione noticed a shadow hovering over her desk. Hermione turned and found a grinning Harry standing behind her.

"'lo Hermione. How was therapy session?" he asked as he loudly dragged a chair from the neighbouring table to hers and sat down. Hermione frowned at the noise, but chose not to admonish him. It was Sunday afternoon and nobody but them seemed to be in the library anyway.

"Well, considering Ron made it out alive, I'd say it went pretty well. Therapist Harris seems like a competent man. I think we're in good hands. We have therapy twice a week for an hour.

"Speaking of Ron - where is he? I haven't seen him since therapy three hours ago. He didn't show up for lunch - which is, as we all know, a highly unusual thing. Ron Weasley _does not_ skip lunch," Hermione pointed out. Harry shrugged, seemingly unbothered by this.

"I last saw him with Ginny about an hour ago by the Black Lake. Looked like they were in some deep discussion, so I didn't want to bother them. Especially since it's so… _awkward_ now," he explained. Hermione quirked a brow.

"You know, since he's a girl," he added.

"Oh, and it's not awkward that I'm a boy?" Hermione asked. Harry shook his head.

"No, not at all. Hermione, please don't take it the wrong way when I say this, but you've always kind of been one of the guys to me," Harry admitted, air-quoting 'one of the boys'. Although Harry asked her not to be offended, Hermione still couldn't help but feel that way.

_Her?_ _One of the boys?_

Hermione scoffed internally and made a mental note to say something like "Harry, you're the best! You're like… _my best girlfriend_!" should the opportunity present itself in the future. _Hmpf! _

In the meanwhile Harry picked up her essay and skimmed over it. "Still studious and diligent, I see."

"Just because I'm different physically doesn't mean that my habits and my character changed as well. I'm still me. And Ron is still himself," Hermione answered, looking pointedly at her friend. Harry looked back at her guiltily.

"I know. It's just…"

"Awkward, I know, "Hermione finished for him. "It's something that everyone needs some time to get used to."

* * *

Hermione organized her things carefully in the shelves of her new dorm that she now shared with Mandy Brocklehurst and Lisa Turpin down in the basement near the Great Hall. The Heads of the different houses had earlier unanimously decided for new sleeping accommodations for the students involved in the potion's accident - not that the professors had much of another choice anyway. Apart from the fact of it being inappropriate for them to stay in the old dorms - considering their gender change - there was also a big second factor that came into play. One that Hermione had discovered the hard way:

It happened the morning after the accident when she had scurried out of her room in panic and sprinted down the stairs to the Gryffindor common room - or _tried to sprint_ down the stairs, she should say, because the second her foot touched the upper step, the stairs turned into a slide and she was sent tumbling down the said slide painfully.

_Curse those founders and their darn spell that prevented males from going up or down the girls' dormitories! _

Safe to say Hermione had caused quite a commotion (as would Ron later). Not only for tumbling down the stairs that led to the girls' dorm loudly, but also for being a_ boy _falling down those stairs - and an unfamiliar one at that!

Hermione sighed and rubbed her bruised elbow as she recalled those events. She never knew her fellow Gryffindors could be so intimidating until that day.

Hermione then glanced at her watch and decided it that was high time to head to the Heads-Prefects-meeting to discuss the patrols with her colleagues. There, she would also have time to catch up with Ron and see how he was faring with his new roommates Wayne Hopkins, Michael Corner and Draco Malfoy.

* * *

When Hermione arrived at the Heads' office it seemed like almost everyone had found their way the meeting already. She spotted Ron at the other end of the room and gave him a small wave whilst he nodded back at her. Most of students were chatting animatedly with each other, sharing gossip, talking sports and telling jokes.

As Hermione was about to take her seat, something forcefully collided with her back all of a sudden. When Hermione turned around to look at the offender, she found the fifth year's Slytherin prefect, Astoria Greengrass, staring up at her sheepishly.

"Um, I'm sorry, Granger," Astoria said in embarrassment, biting down her lip, obviously expecting Hermione to snap at her. One would have never guessed that a person this petite crashed into her, considering the force of the impact.

_Great, another bruise to add to the collection._

"It's all right," Hermione replied calmly as she rubbed her left shoulder and motioned for the girl to take a seat. Astoria quickly did as instructed and sat down - in Hermione's seat. Hermione scratched her head, but decided not to say anything about it, whereas the other prefects and the Head boy grinned in amusement at the girl. The Head students always took head seats and when Astoria also remembered this, she quickly shot out of the seat - and knocked into Hermione. Again.

_Bruises! Bruises! Bruises!_

"I'm _so_ sor-" she squeaked, but Hermione didn't let her finish and pushed Astoria back into the seat by her shoulders.

"Please just sit, Tornado-Greengrass; and don't move until the meeting is over," Hermione practically begged the Slytherin prefect whose face turned scarlet and who quickly averted her gaze from Hermione's. Many students chuckled at this.

"Well, it seems like everyone is present, so let's begin the meeting," Hermione's co-Head, Zacharias Smith, suggested. Most students, including Hermione, had been surprised when they heard how he was appointed Head boy. Especially considering the fact that he hadn't even been a prefect. Her bet had always been on Anthony Goldstein, but rumours had it that he had politely declined the position. Hermione wasn't going to question the decision of the headmistress in appointing Smith since he actually turned out to be a decent partner.

They discussed the schedules and issues that their fellow students brought up to them. Hermione mostly let Zacharias do the talking since she didn't like putting herself in the centre of attention with her new condition. She didn't want to give the students more excuses to stare at her in wonder or fascination than they already did. Ron and Malfoy suffered from the same fate as the students' eyes continually found them and inspected their new girly selves. (With Malfoy giving one-finger salutes like people gave out Halloween candy.)

One person who Hermione caught watching her a lot was the little Greengrass girl. Hermione supposed that this was more to check if Hermione was irritated with her, rather than gawking at her because of the whole gender swap thing. At least this seemed like a reasonable explanation for all the staring and blushing Astoria did whenever Hermione caught her looking.

_What an odd, and not to mention, _dangerous_ girl._

* * *

Hermione stood there looking at the urinals in wonder. Should she give it a try?

_Yeah, why not?_

She was in a male's body after all and she had always been curious about it (however strange that may sound). Now she could finally experience the perk of urinating whilst standing. Hermione stepped in front of the urinal and was about to get down to business, when she suddenly heard the door of the lavatory bang open, disturbing her in the process of her "experiment".

"_Harry_! What are you doing here?" Hermione yelped as she identified the newcomer.

Harry, who had not anticipated someone yelling at him when he strolled lazily into the lavatory, jumped back startled with his back flat against the wall. He, however, relaxed immediately when he realised that it was only Hermione.

"_Really, Hermione_. Was that necessary? You scared the hell out of me," he demanded in a slightly accusing tone. "Besides, what kind of question is that? Why do you think people go to the loo for?"

"Harry, I _know_ why people go to the loo for. What I mean is: Why do you have to go _now_?" Hermione asked as she tried to protect her modesty.

Harry just rolled his eyes at her and walked to the urinal next to hers. Hermione's eyes widened at this. Surely Harry wasn't going to do what she thought he was?

"Harry! What are you doing? Go away! _Get out_!"

"I need to take a leak, Hermione!" Harry snapped, ignoring her protests and began to empty his bladder unashamedly.

_How dare he pee?_

Hermione couldn't believe his gall. He just took a leak with her standing right next to him! When she had explicitly asked him not to! Hermione shook her head in disbelief.

"Well, are you going to take a leak or what? You should hurry. We have Transfiguration in five minutes," her friend then asked as he leaned against the wall lazily. Hermione's eyes narrowed at Harry's comment.

"Don't rush me, Harry. I'll pee when I-" Hermione began, but froze mid-sentence. With Harry irritating and distracting her from the - no pun intended - task at hands_, _she had peed on her hand!

_Some darn friend she had!_

Hermione decided then and there that she was going to be a sitter forever. _Screw standing!_

* * *

A/N: This chapter is dedicated to Molly the Cat (the cat pictured in my avatar) who was the coolest cat ever.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3: Patented

* * *

Hermione lay back in her chair and listened to what their therapist had to say. She was glad that this session progressed much smoother than the ones before. Nonetheless, she still considered asking Mister Harris for separate girls' and boys' sessions. There were things she felt too awkward to talk about with the "girls" around. Besides, Hermione was sure they had some awkward subjects of discussion of their own. _How could they not?_ _They all gender-swapped!_

"I've been told by your headmistress that your parents have been informed about your condition and have been invited to Hogwarts. They are set to arrive here tomorrow afternoon. You will all be excused from classes that day," Mister Harris explained, but was interrupted by one of his moody patients.

"Wait, _what_? Our parents have been invited to Hogwarts? They are going to see us like _this_?"

"Yes, Mister Hopkins."

"But I don't want them to see me like this!" the student exclaimed, his voice laced with panic (or irritation, Hermione couldn't quite decipher). A few students nodded in agreement with Wayne. Actually, if Hermione thought about it, no one looked too happy about the news - herself included.

"Mister Hopkins, you have nothing to be ashamed about," Mister Harris reasoned.

"I'm not ashamed," Wayne immediately denied.

"Well then, where's the problem?" the therapist asked patiently. Instead of answering the question, Wayne proceeded to just ask another question.

"Why have they been informed? This is... ugh; I don't know... all I know is that I don't like it."

Hermione agreed to this sentiment. She didn't like it at all.

"Well, whilst all of you are off age, it's still school policy to inform the parents when their children are involved in bigger accidents. And this - although none of you is injured - is a very unique situation after all. We still don't know when an antidote is going to be found."

Yes, she had heard the rumour that it could take some time. Apparently, the search for the antidote turned out to be much trickier than the experts had initially expected. However, that wasn't really the problem. _Okay, it was big part of the problem_, but Hermione was sure that another circumstance was more of an issue here. She decided to share this thought with their therapist.

"Mister Harris, I think the thing that most of us are concerned about is how our parents will react. What actions they might take.

"I imagine some would do something drastic and take their children out of school. I'm definitely more than concerned about this. My parents are less likely to be indulgent towards what happened. They're Muggles and although they do support me and my education here, they're still sceptical when it comes to magic," Hermione explained seriously. Their therapist nodded understandingly.

"I understand, but I don't want you to worry too much about it. Your headmistress and I will talk to each of your parents. I think we'll be able to convince them not take any of you out of Hogwarts," the therapist replied diplomatically.

* * *

Hermione felt nervous as she made her way to the Great Hall where they would be meeting the parents. She cast a look at Ron who, unlike her, seemed relaxed. He saw her watching him and gave her a small smile.

"Don't worry, Hermione. Things are going to be fine. I'll even have mum and dad talk to your parents if you want to. Your parents won't just take you out of school," he tried to reassure her. Hermione nodded, although she still felt ill at ease. Nevertheless, she still appreciated Ron's attempt in trying to make her feel better. He was a great friend.

"You're taking this whole thing really well, Ron. I wish I could say the same thing about myself."

"Oh, I'm definitely looking forward to have things go back to normal, but I also have to say that this is not so uninteresting. You know, Hermione, I even wrote a letter to the patent office at the Ministry to take out a patent for my potion," Ron explained nonchalantly, however the spring in his step suggested that he was quite excited about this. Hermione stopped walking abruptly.

"You did _what_?" she asked incredulously.

"I patented my potion," he repeated slowly. "I'm sure there's a market for my potion and lots of money to be made. George also thought this was a good idea. Sent him an owl about it yesterday."

"Ron, have you completely lost your mind? We don't even know if there are any long term side effects and you're already talking business!" Hermione still couldn't believe she was hearing right, whereas Ron grew a little irritated with Hermione's reaction.

"Well, Hermione… I have to protect my interests. One's got to take precautions when money is involved. Do you really think that no one else will see the opportunity?"

Hermione ran a hand over her face. She couldn't deal with this right now. She had bigger things to worry about than Ron's future potions empire or whatever he was planning.

* * *

Hermione didn't know what to say to them as they gaped at her. Her parents had been staring at her in disbelief for a good minute now and it was getting more than uncomfortable. It made her feel like a freak (which in a way she kind of was). She stole glances at them and shuffled her feet, willing her parents to say, well, _anything_. They were not making this situation easier for her.

Hermione soon realised that she would have to be the one to break the ice. However, she barely even managed to get out a "Hi mum and dad", when her mother suddenly flung herself at her.

"Oh my poor baby!" she exclaimed as she hugged Hermione tightly. Her father awkwardly stepped towards them and joined their group hug.

"Headmistress McGonagall told us what happened. This is so horrible!" her mother continued whereas Hermione frowned deeply. _Sure, this wasn't a great situation, but her being a boy couldn't be _that _terrible_? Hermione's father seemed to have read her mind and decided to intervene and interrupt his wife's monologue.

"Darling, that's a bit harsh, wouldn't you say? She's still our Hermione; no matter how she looks like now. I dare say you make a rather dashing fella. Beautiful as a girl and handsome as boy."

Hermione gave her father a small smile and scratched her head, feeling rather self-conscious. "Thanks, dad."

"Oh, you know I didn't mean it like that. It's just that my little girl…I-," Mrs Granger began to explain herself, but couldn't really find the words. She looked at her husband helplessly.

"It's alright. I know you didn't' mean it like that," Hermione decided to say diplomatically despite feeling a bit hurt. The family then sat down and talked about Hermione and about how she was coping. It was probably one of the most intense discussions she ever had with her parents, although her father couldn't help but laugh heartily, when Hermione brought up her concern about them possibly taking her out of Hogwarts.

"Hermione, this is so very _you_ to worry about school even when you find yourself in a situation like this one. Even though I have to admit that I'm very upset with your school, we wouldn't think of ever doing that."

Hermione's mother gave him a surprised look. "We wouldn't?"

"No, we wouldn't," her husband replied firmly. His wife huffed, but then her eyes suddenly brightened.

"Looks like someone just had an idea," Hermione thought in amusement.

"But you know that you can home anytime right, darling? We could have you home-schooled! It probably won't be cheap, but you're worth every penny!" her mother said hopefully, but Hermione shook her head.

"That's very thoughtful of you mum, but I'd rather stay," Hermione answered carefully as she watched her mother's happy mood deflate visibly. This made her feel guilty, but home-schooling? _Not a chance in hell._

"I'm happy here, mum, and the group therapy sessions are definitely helping me."

"Okay; but remember: you can _always_ come home!"

The Granger family continued talking until late in the night. Hermione and her father had both managed to convince Mrs. Granger that Hermione would be better off staying at Hogwarts in her condition since she would have peers going through the same things as her.

Although admittedly, Hermione almost changed her mind the next morning when it was time to say goodbye. She hadn't realised how much she had missed her parents until she'd seen them. It would have been great to have them close by, but Hermione knew this wasn't possible if she wanted to finish her education at Hogwarts.

"So, Hermione, I'll guess we'll be seeing you in a few weeks in the Easter holidays?" her mother asked, but Hermione knew that this was a rhetorical question only. Her parents were rather insistent that she come home and not stay at Hogwarts or at some friend's house during that time. Her parents had been rather short when it came to this lately, but she had to admit that she understood them. She saw her parents very little during the year and saw her friends all the time. She really needed to balance her time between friends and family better.

"Yes, I'm already looking forward to it," Hermione answered sincerely before turning to her father.

"Well, Hermione, keep your chin up. Maybe we could go fishing or golfing when you're home. Maybe even catch a match of the Reds. What do you think?"

Hermione's eyebrows shot up at her father's question. Fishing or golfing? A football match? Her father had never suggested those activities for father and daughter bonding time before. Not that she would describe herself as particularly girly, but still…

The longer Hermione mulled over this, the harder the conclusion eventually hit her at the end: Those weren't daughter and father bonding activities - no, those were father and son bonding activities! Hermione wanted to say no, but when she saw the hopeful look on her father's face, she couldn't do it.

_Oh, to hell with it._

"Okay," she replied as her father beamed at her, looking very happy. If she actually thought about it, her father had seemed very content and laid back about her new situation… if not somewhat thrilled to have a _son_ now.

A light fist bump against her shoulder by her father only confirmed her thoughts. _Yeah, her father was so down with her being a boy._

* * *

Hermione strolled up the hill when she suddenly heard some commotion by the greenhouses. Whilst she wasn't really in the mood the deal with what seemed to like a rebellious teenager and would rather continue her relaxing walk, it was still her duty as Head girl to check the situation out.

"Probably some student trying to nick herbs," Hermione muttered to herself as she made her way towards the source of the noise. There was a particular herb that was currently very in fashion amongst the students. This particular herb had the characteristic, once consumed, of turning the consumer's irises icy blue. It was a herb that was very popular amongst the girls in Hogwarts. Not that Hermione really kept up with such things.

Once she arrived at the crime scene (a.k.a. Greenhouse 3), Hermione was surprised to find a dishevelled and angry-looking Draco Malfoy. Around him were broken pots and scattered Herbology equipment.

"_MALFOY! _ _What on earth do you think you're doing_?" she hollered.

"Oh, fuck off, Granger," Draco replied snappily and kicked a pot nearby, breaking it, too.

"Malfoy, stop it right now," Hermione warned, her hand finding her wand. Draco scoffed, however stopped his crazy rampage.

"I don't know what's your problem is, Malfoy, and frankly I don't care. However, I have to care about you destroying school property. I'll have to report you to your Head of the House so you'll receive the appropriate punishment for this. I'll also dock 15 points from Slytherin."

"Do whatever you want, Granger. I don't give a rat's arse."

"Aren't you well spoken? So, going to tell me what this is all about?"

Draco sent her a look full of disdain and flipped the long silvery hair out of his face. "Thought you don't care."

"I don't, but I'm asking anyway."

Draco rolled his eyes at her and plopped down on one of the seats. "Well, it seems like my parents have already begun the process of replacing me - since girls can't carry on the Malfoy legacy."

Hermione wasn't sure what to make of Draco's words and apparently, it showed, since he decided to elaborate.

"And they say you are smart... Granger, those traitors that I unfortunately have to call my parents are planning for _another heir_! A _male_ heir."

"_Oh._" Now she could definitely understand why Malfoy wasn't too happy. They had been stuck in their new bodies for only three weeks, so this seemed like a very hasty (not to mention insensitive) decision. In the meanwhile Draco continued his rant.

"This is so insulting - not to mention disgusting! They're too old for stuff like this."

Hermione silently agreed. She liked telling herself that parents didn't have sex either and that she was brought to her parents by a stork.

"Malfoy, I get that this is upsetting, but it's still no reason to destroy school property. Try some other physical outlet like Quidditch or something," she suggested, trying to calm Draco, but he only watched her with narrowed eyes.

"I'm off the team. We have a no-girl-policy."

Hermione cringed. _Well, way to put one's foot the in mouth._

"Um... that sucks," she replied lamely, not knowing what else to say.

"Please Granger, as if you care. My parents are going to pay for this," Draco snapped and shot out of his seat to stalk towards the door.

"Remember Malfoy, report to Slughorn later this afternoon because of detention," Hermione called after him.

"Yeah whatever, Gryffindork," came the snotty reply before the Slytherin stormed off, leaving an irritated Head girl behind.

_Definitely need to add disrespectful behaviour towards the Head girl to the list of offense. What an arse!_


	4. Chapter 4

A/N: This one is rather short, but still better than no update, right? :)

* * *

Chapter 4: When things get even more awkward

* * *

Hermione stared at the big pile of food on her plate. It was scary how much she ate nowadays, but she couldn't help it. She always felt so hungry! Her body needed significantly more nutrients than when female. Luckily enough, her new male body had a fabulous metabolism and she could pretty much eat all she wanted without getting fat. It was absolutely terrific.

Hermione also made a mental note to herself to never make scolding remarks at Ron ever again about the mountains of food he always devoured. _She totally got it now_.

"… I dunno. She was quite snippy this morning. I think she's annoyed that she's not the only girl in family anymore. She was always the special one and now that's no more. Ginny's miffed she's not getting the special treatment from mum and dad anymore," Hermione caught the snippet of conversation between Ron and Harry. She had already wondered about Ron's younger sister's whereabouts. The girl was nowhere to be seen, which was strange since Ginny had been pretty much attached to her brother's hip the last couple of weeks. However, judging by Ron's remarks now, the two siblings had a falling out. It was a real pity since the two of them had been getting along so well (which was a very nice change from their constant bickering). Hermione only hoped that Ron hadn't told his sister those exact things he'd just told them; because if he had, then it was no surprise that Ginny snubbed him. Even if his words possibly held some truth, they weren't exactly nice.

"And then there's also the part with me being competition in the looks compartment. Not trying to be conceited here, but I'm one hot-looking redhead," Ron continued whilst Harry didn't know what to add to the strange topic of discussion. Although he now hung out with Ron like before again, Hermione could see that Harry still felt extremely weirded out sometimes. Hermione also observed that the motto "weird comments shall all be ignored" seemed to be Harry's policy recently.

"What makes me even better is that I'm a hot lesbian," Ron added and this time Hermione and Harry both choked on their food and began coughing violently. Ron shook his head at them.

"Seriously, you lot."

Hermione pounded her chest and coughed a few more times before answering him.

"Ron, you are not a lesbian," Hermione objected.

"I beg to differ there, Hermione. As of current state, I'm a girl interested in girls - hence making me a lesbian. A _hot_ lesbian," Ron insisted whilst Harry still tried to dislodge the food in his throat with big gulps of water.

"Gods Ron, you have the strangest thoughts these days," Hermione complained.

"I request a change of topic," Harry finally managed to contribute to the conversation, his face bright red. Ron sighed heavily.

"All right."

"Good; and don't randomly say stuff like that again while we're eating. Are you trying to kill us?" Harry demanded.

"Now you're being a little dramatic," Ron said defensively. "I was just trying to make conversation. _Actually_, I was just answering _your_ question as to where Ginny was. So don't blame me."

"Yeah, okay. Let's just... let's talk about something else," Harry suggested again and fortunately got his wish granted. So Quidditch-talk it was (much to Hermione's chagrin).

* * *

"I hope you aren't too offended when I say this, but it seems like some of you are in a very foul mood today," Mister Harris remarked as he let his eyes wander over to his "female" patients and rest there. Hermione agreed to this observation wholeheartedly. People like Malfoy or Corner were never overly friendly, but both were particularly vicious today. Hermione watched as Draco drew a deep breath before he began his rant.

"Oh I'll tell you why I'm in such a 'foul mood', all right. Today I woke up with the most god-awful pains and was bleeding from my ... from my _you know what_. As if that wasn't bad enough, it then took me a quarter hour to insert the frigging tampon properly. So excuse me for not being all rays of sunshine."

Everyone's eyes went round at Draco's words. Even Mister Harris was a bit taken aback and didn't know immediately what to say; however Ron was there to save the day.

"You should try pads. They're much easier to use," he said helpfully, but it became apparent that Malfoy did not appreciate this piece of advice. He was too upset.

"_Weasley_, I do not spend a quarter hour trying to figure out how to insert these awful inventions only to then use those nappy-like things, when I finally figured it out," Draco snapped before catching himself and realising the potential embarrassment should this conversation ever be repeated to anyone outside their group.

Hermione's really couldn't help it. She really tried, but still burst out laughing uncontrollably anyway (the others somehow managed to hide their amusement more subtly). If it had been anyone else, she supposed she would have had some compassion and felt sorry for them, but since it was just Malfoy...

_This was awfully uncomfortable and too funny at the same time!_

Draco's eyes were now reduced to slits. "I swear, if any of you repeats what I just said, there'll be hell to pa-"

"Mister Malfoy, I have told you before and will tell you _again_: Stop threatening your classmates! I know I'm not your professor and can't give you detention. I can, however, go to one and ask them to take action against uncalled behaviour like this. I don't like using treats against treats, but if this is the only way...

"You are an adult - please act like it. Treat others the way you want to be treated. As far as I'm concerned, Mr. Weasley just gave you some very helpful advice," the therapist lectured Draco and gave Ron an encouraging smile. Ron proudly ate up the praise.

"Granger, laugh it up while you can. Don't think no one saw you two days ago, when you tried to sneak into the bathroom without getting detected in order to get rid of that morning wood of yours," Draco told her smugly and Hermione suddenly did not feel like laughing anymore.

"That's not... I didn't... I wasn't-," she spluttered, but didn't get very far as someone interrupted her.

"Thank goodness! I thought I was the only one having this problem," Mandy exclaimed, looking relieved that Hermione shared her plight. When Hermione cast a look at Lisa, she saw her nodding lightly in agreement as well.

"My hormones are going absolutely crazy!" Mandy added in exasperation.

_Yeah, her hormones were all over the place_ and Hermione was _not _amused. 'Things' happened in the most inconvenient times too! Hermione just wanted her lady parts back. Being a boy sucked!


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5: Princesses and Curses

* * *

The sun had already begun to set, taking away what little warmth it provided, leaving both Hermione and Ginny shivering in the dim light as they made their way back to the castle after their stroll outside.

The two had finally managed to catch up on each other after Ginny's successful avoidance of her brother for almost a week. Having had more rows with Ron than she could count, Hermione decided not to butt in on this one and let the Weasley siblings deal with this on their own. She would, of course, lend them an ear whenever they needed somebody to talk to, however, refused to take sides. They would _not_ drag her into their argument, _no Sir_.

In fact, Hermione had very early on decided to take on Harry's famous "I'm neutral"-stance since it made her life so much easier. If the Ginny and Ron wanted to be stubborn and give each other the silent treatment, then that was fine by her.

"At first I thought it was kind of cool that to have a 'sister', but he's become so full of himself! You know what he said to me the other day? He accused me of being _jealous_ of him! Can you believe that? It seems so silly that I believed our good relationship would last. Ron could get very annoying being his normal self, but he's even more so as a girl," Ginny complained, pulling her hair in frustration. Hermione looked at her sympathetically.

"I feel for you, Ginny. He _does_ have really strange thoughts and ideas these days; but then there are also moments when he's surprisingly insightful and sensitive - pleasantly so. I think those oestrogens are doing him some good."

"I guess… but it still that doesn't change the fact that he's driving me crazy lately. Sometimes I just want to bitchslap him. Can't believe my own self-control," Ginny joked and Hermione chuckled.

"That's Ron."

"Yes, _that's Ron_," Ginny sighed and crossed her arms over her chest, trying to warm herself up. "One would think he'd be more grateful that I helped and supported him so much the last few weeks. You know the whole adjusting to being a girl? I did the whole '101 - Life as a Girl' thing with him! Many incredibly uncomfortable moments I had so suffer through, let me tell you that. But I did it anyway since I wanted to be a good sister. And how does he repay me?"

"So you helped him with all that stuff? I guess I shouldn't be as surprised as I am, since you helping him only makes sense. I'd already begun to wonder how Ron knew so much! He's been giving the other guys all sorts of advice even," said Hermione before sharing some 'Ron moments' from their therapy sessions. Ginny scoffed loudly when Hermione finished.

"Acting all like the expert now, isn't he? Well, I'm sure my brothers will sort him out and take him down a few notches once we go home for Easter holidays," she said in a clipped tone before a wide grin spread on her face, her eyes drifting off to la-la-land as she obviously imagined what awaited Ron at the Burrow a few weeks away from now.

_Poor Ron_.

* * *

Hermione gathered her books and stacked them neatly on top of each other before getting up and carefully balancing them two rows down to their section in the library. As she clumsily began to resort them one by one, Hermione felt a presence behind her. Slowly, she turned around and discovered Malfoy staring up at her expectantly. Hermione frowned back in confusion.

Giving him a quick once over, Hermione took note of his hair with some amusement. Draco's long white-blonde hair was stylishly done in a French braid, no doubt curtsy to Pansy Parkinson. The girl had persistently asked to be allowed to style his hair, however, had always been rebuffed. _Well, until this day. _

"What, Malfoy?" Hermione eventually decided to ask, wanting him to stop the creepy staring and just tell her what he wanted.

"I need a book," he finally answered, his left hand reaching into his blazer pocket, fishing out a piece of paper and handing it to her. Hermione took and read it. Her frown deepened.

"If I'm not mistaken, the 'RS' in the shelf mark suggests that this is a book from the restricted section," she said slowly, fully expecting Draco to deny it, but he didn't.

"That would be correct," he said with a curt nod.

"Students aren't allowed access to books from the restricted section," she reminded Draco.

"With the exception of the Head boy or Head girl," Draco cut in, clasping his hands together behind his back and giving her that _expectant look_ again. Hermione shook her head and held out the note for him.

"Forget it, Malfoy. I'm not getting you that book. It was sorted to the restricted section and out of students' reach for a reason. And for the record: Even Head students have very limited access to the restricted section of the library." When Draco still ignored her outstretched hand, Hermione let it drop back to her side.

Draco pursed his lips. "I know that, Granger. If you would take a closer look at the shelf mark, then you'll see that the book belongs to the area that is accessible to you."

Hermione studied the note again. He was right.

"RS-PREG-14-LIM… Malfoy, even with it being a book with limited restriction and me technically being able to get it for you - there's probably a good reason as to why normal students don't have access to it. Not trying to start a fight here, but you're hardly the most stable person at the moment. So, _no_,"

Draco started to look deeply annoyed with her unwillingness to cooperate.

"And what evil deeds do you believe I'd commit by looking up a book on wizarding _pregnancies_?" he exclaimed, tilting his head heavenwards and rolling his eyes. His answer took Hermione by surprise.

"Wizarding _pregnancies_?" she choked out, her eyes gone round and owlish. "Malfoy are you pregnant? Did Goyle knock you up or something?" _Dear Lord! What a horrible fate! _She wouldn't wish something like this on anyone - even Draco Malfoy.

Upon hearing Hermione's question, Draco whipped his head back down to glare at her.

"Are you stupid? Of course_ not_! With all the fuss you made about my little episode in the greenhouse a while back, you'd think that the reason for me to look up information on pregnancies would be _obvious_. But let me spell it out for you: My mother is expecting."

"Oh, wow. Um… Normally I'd say 'congratulations', but I sense that it's not really appropriate here."

"Yes, please spare me. Just get me the book."

"Malfoy, why would a book on wizarding pregnancies be in the restricted section?"

"It's probably because the book contains content of somewhat of graphic nature. Look, I'm concerned for my mother and want to make sure that she'll be all right. She didn't have the easiest pregnancy with me. There were complications, which is why my parents decided not to have more children after me. However now… Granger, I need to read up on this topic. I'm worried."

Malfoy sounded too sincere when he said this that Hermione couldn't help but sympathise with him. He might act like a little shit most of the time, but he really did care for his mother.

"Okay, Malfoy. Wait here."

* * *

Hermione took out her novel and settled in the chair opposite to Draco. The latter was immediately engrossed in his book the moment he had opened it. Every once in a while Hermione would glance up from her novel and monitor what her classmate was reading.

"What?" Draco snapped when he caught her looking.

"Nothing, I was just checking up on what you're reading."

"Yes, because I'm sure that you'd need to look at my hair for that. Don't even think about mocking me about it, Granger."

Okay so her eyes might have wandered off a moment to admire his hair. As much as she hated to admit it, Malfoy did have very nice hair - hair she could only dream of having. So shiny and healthy-looking, without any frizz at all.

"Why would I mock you? I think it looks nice."

"Right," Draco answered in a clipped tone, not buying it; but after a while of staring at her in suspicion, he seemingly decided that Hermione might have been sincere with her compliment after all.

"They always got in my face, but I wasn't going to cut them because I don't do the pixie cut shit. And since Pansy's been offering to do my hair for ages, I decided to let her," he offered and Hermione nodded. They then went back to what they were doing before. It wasn't until Draco took out a parchment and started to scribble on it that Hermione decided to speak again.

"Malfoy, why does that page you're reading look like something you should _not _be reading?" she asked as she scanned the title. Draco looked up in surprise, however, said nothing. He only gave her a short shrug before returning to his notes. Not satisfied with his answer, Hermione reached over the table and snatched up his parchment.

"What the fuck, Granger?" Draco immediately cursed, but was ignored by the person the curse was aimed at. A deep frown settled on Hermione's face again as she skimmed over the content of the paper.

"Malfoy, this is a curse. Why are you looking up a curse and taking notes about it? You told me you wanted to look up stuff about complications during pregnancies because of your mother."

Draco stood up and leaned over the table.

"Well, I _lied_," he mocked and snatched the parchment out of Hermione's hands and quickly stuffed it into his pocket. Hermione's eyes narrowed.

"Malfoy, give it back or I'll report-"

"Report me to a teacher? _Puh-lease, Granger. _How about you come up with something new?"

"The paper, Malfoy. _Now_."

"_No_."

"Malfoy, I'm not kidding. Give me that note," Hermione warned as she tucked the book from the restricted section under her arm away from Draco. "Don't make me come over and to take it from you."

At her threat Draco quickly reached into his pocket, took out the note, folded it before stuffing it into his bra, believing it would be safe from Hermione there.

"No," he mouthed smugly. Hermione gritted her teeth.

"Give it to me freely, or so God help me, I'll come and get it from you."

"You wouldn't," Draco replied, not believing her. In fact, he was sending her a daring look even.

"Oh, I would," Hermione answered firmly, now taking a step towards him.

"I honestly doubt tha-GRANGER!" Malfoy yelped as Hermione lunged at him and suddenly held him in tight a grip lock.

"GRANGER YOU LUNATIC!" he continued to scream, struggling in vain to get out of Hermione's hold. The latter had taken her new tall physique and strength to full advantage. Draco had no chance - or at least Hermione had thought so. She was, however, taught better when she suddenly felt a blinding pain that brought her to knees. _That little wanker had kneed her in the balls!_

Hermione had always thought that guys were exaggerating with the pain, but she knew better now. It wasn't exaggerated one bit! _Gods, the pain!_

"Serves you just right. How dare you attack me like that?" Draco fumed as he looked down at her in disdain. Hermione could only groan in reply as she dropped onto her back. She felt like all air had been sucked out of her and couldn't move.

"Well, as fun as this was, Granger, I have to leave you now. Normally I'd say 'See you later', but let's not," Draco said 'pleasantly' as he stepped over her form and walked off.

* * *

This was how Astoria Greengrass found her. The girl gasped loudly and dropped her things when she saw Hermione groaning on the floor, eyes shut.

"_Oh my_. Are you… are you all right? Wait, that was a stupid question. Of course you're not all right. What happened?" she demanded, dropping to her knees next to Hermione. Hermione rolled to the side, her eyes snapping open, looking into Astoria's concerned ones.

"Had a little row with Malfoy. Unfortunately _he won_," Hermione offered, lying there for a few more seconds before struggling to sit up. Astoria quickly slid an arm around Hermione to help her.

"Thanks, Astoria," Hermione said gratefully and carefully sat down on a chair nearby. Astoria nodded.

"No problem; but may I ask how exactly this happened?" she asked curiously. Hermione let out a long sigh.

"Well, I discovered Malfoy looking up a curse and don't think that he did it just out of curiosity. He wants to use it against someone. I wanted him to give me his notes, but he refused, so I went to get it myself. He kneed me in my family jewels before I could succeed…"

"Oh, um…you should tell a professor about the curse."

"I probably will, but first I'd like to try and talk to him." Yeah, since she was the one who had actually given him that book in the first place, making her somewhat an accomplice (or _accessory_, given her current state).

Astoria looked at her thoughtfully.

"You know, I never liked Draco. My sister is friends with him, although I never understood why. He's so rude and acts like he's better than everyone else. I'm afraid my sister fancies him and that's why she puts up with him."

Hermione grimaced at the thought of Malfoy being mooned over by people. She just couldn't see it. Astoria giggled at her expression.

"_I know_. I don't get it either. Our parents are friends, so I unfortunately get to see him quite often during the holidays. Always acting like a spoiled little princess - which I suppose he now sort of is: _Princess _Draco," she joked and both Hermione and she burst out laughing.

It was always astonishing how easy it was to bond with someone by slagging Draco Malfoy off.


End file.
